i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
