How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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