We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Buhtt sex?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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