By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
