So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize