Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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