It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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