Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
