Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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