I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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