the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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