Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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