my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
