dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
