Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
