he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
