when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
