How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
