like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
