I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We need to get me chipped asap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
