he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
