dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
