well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
