thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
