What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
