Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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