I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
