so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
