Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
