Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ugly people sure do ruin things
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
