We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
