i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
