the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
