im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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