I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
