we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
