dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my being single is dangerous.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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