I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
