Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
