Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
