just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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