i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
