dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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