Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize