She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
