Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
