recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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