well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
