so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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