i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize