He kissed a someone with a penis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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