I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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