Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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