guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
