shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize