Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
