dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
