is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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