Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
