I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
