Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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