I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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