you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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