Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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