This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
