babies were throwing up all over the place
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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