i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
