paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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