ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
being pregnant is like rehab
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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