I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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