Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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