he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
