I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
