It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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