are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
