My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize