I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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