As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
