Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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