I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
