Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
