Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
