you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
not ubering you a puppy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
