Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
