Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You made out with two different species that night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
