If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
