if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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