How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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