He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize