You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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