They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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