So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
