The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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