I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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