Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
