i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
