okay pat passed out under dana's car
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
