I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
