So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
