walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
