he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When did angry sex become our thing?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
