I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
