i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
