to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Say something about gay babies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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