Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize